It’s a beautiful Colorado summer day, and I’m standing on a golf course with a former correctional colleague. Gary retired a few years earlier, and I still have a few years to go before retiring. During our conversation, Gary says, “Retire as soon as you qualify. You don’t know the stress you’re under, until after you leave.” I never forgot these words, and when it was time, I left corrections. As far as I’m concerned, truer words were never spoken. Thank you, Gary.
Retirement from any job is a big step in a person’s life, and the pending changes are probably overwhelming for most. Even the most well-planned retirement is going to offer some challenges. However, retiring from corrections work and maybe law enforcement in general, is unique in many ways.
I’m sure no two retirements play out the same, but those of us who retire from corrections and law enforcement will likely face similar challenges. In spite of our diversity, we are all impacted by the work, and to consistently perform for twenty to thirty years is to experience many things the average non-law enforcement worker cannot imagine. This is to say … We leave corrections in one day, but corrections does not leave us for years … maybe ever.
Everyone carries their work career with them into retirement, but in most cases this memory bank is filled with positive outcomes and job satisfaction. The average non-corrections retiree has no memories of a blood-soaked offender dying on a gurney. They have no physical scars from being cut, bitten, or punched. Most retirees won’t lose sleep because of violent images from years gone by, or feel their heart race when a random alarm sounds in Wal-Mart. Non-corrections retirees have no memories of running into a crowded rec yard to break up a gang fight, and very few non-corrections retirees recall standing at attention while a fallen partner is honored with a 21-gun salute. If you’re a non-corrections person, you probably already see the uniqueness. If you are a corrections person, my apologies for reminding you of what you already can’t forget.
I have been retired for almost seven years, and I’ve talked to many other retirees. Retirement is well-deserved, but it remains part of the corrections journey. So, as you contemplate leaving your corrections job, hopefully “as soon as you qualify,” here are some things to watch for and contemplate.
To begin, some things you won’t miss and some things you may miss:
| WHAT YOU WON’T MISS | |
| Negativity, worry, fear, and stress | Being threatened and writing reports |
| Clanking doors, alarms, radio chatter | Offenders’ poor behavior and manipulations |
| The noise, smells, and the stale air | Boring shifts and random violence |
| Working 16-hour days on 5 hours of sleep (or less) | Wrestling with offenders |
| Working on holidays and your child’s birthday | Searching cells and touching gross stuff |
| Being called in on your day off | Being spit at or thrown on |
| Fighting sleep and exhaustion | Strip searches and potty watch |
| Sore back, sore feet, bumps, and bruises | Working on meaningless projects |
| Lazy co-workers and ghost supervisor | Doing more with less |
| Another fad or “flavor of the month” | Training just to “check the box” |
| The bureaucracy and another policy change | Being under-appreciated |
| Long meetings that could have been an email | And … the 3-minute lunch break |
You may miss other things, but I found the list of what I actually miss to be much shorter, and far more meaningful.
| WHAT YOU WILL ACTUALLY MISS | |
| Your best friends, partners, and coworkers | Surviving the incident |
| Teamwork and camaraderie | Mentoring others |
| Laughter and twisted humor | Helping a co-worker through hard times |
| Occasional successes | And, of course … potlucks and donuts ???? |
ISSUES YOU MAY FACE
You may not face all these issues and some may only surface occasionally, but be aware. The day after you retire is not a magic day. It takes time to recover. It may take some counseling, lots of prayers and a huge helping of forgiveness for others … and yourself, before you feel normal. Watch for these to occur:
Poor Sleep and Bad Memories. After a career of sleeplessness, I’d love to say you’re going to sleep like a baby in retirement. But it’s not likely. All that accumulated stress and negativity is still there for a while. Those memories don’t fade as fast as we want, and we can be reminded of horrible images and bad times in the most unlikely way, and at the oddest times. A TV show, even a fun comedy, can spark a memory and cause us to sweat, right there in our recliner. A smell or an alarm in a public place will take us back in time so quick we don’t even know what happened. At night when it’s so quiet and you want to sleep, your mind will replay incidents like a Stephen King movie on rewind. You will lay there, wide awake, second-guessing what could have happened or what should have been done. Hopefully, in retirement, you don’t have to get up too early.
Lack of Trust. After years of distrust, we don’t regain trust very quickly. We remain ever-vigilant and cautious around people. We remain distracted by safety and security. It took me a few years before I could sit with my back to a restaurant door. In public, my head is still on a swivel. I live in a safe, retirement community but, when we’re away, I still check the security cameras at home like a control center officer with a yard full of convicts! The fact I even have security cameras at home probably says something.
This lack of trust spills into other areas of life. My wife and I moved to another state where we knew no one, and I found it difficult to make new friends. Even now, we are just getting to know our immediate neighbors. They are all great people; the problem was my desire to remain private and my own lack of trust.
Family Issues. Retirement may be hard for your family to adjust to, especially if relationships have been strained through the years. Corrections can change us in negative ways, and our family often bears the brunt of this grumpiness. It may take some patience, some candid discussions, and some forgiveness for all to come together again. Your family has also been through a 30-year corrections career, so they need to adjust, too. Family is such an important contributor to our overall health, and, hopefully, we have cherished what we have at home. If not, get busy mending, and be patient with your loved ones.
Health Issues. Don’t be too surprised if you have some health issues in retirement. These may be age-related, but they might also be related to thirty years of stress. Check out the book, The Body Keeps Score, by Bessel van der Kolk. The accumulation of stress takes its toll and we break down, physically and emotionally. I was retired less than one year, and had a heart attack. My wife drove me to the hospital like she was in NASCAR, and God spared me that day. I have no doubt this heart attack was caused by stored up stress. Many retirees have digestive issues and other serious health issues. Some retirees have been self-medicating their stress away with alcohol and cigarettes, and these behaviors catch up to us in retirement, as well. Even “fit” individuals can find themselves in an emergency room. Stay after your health. Get regular checkups, eat right, exercise and finally … get some well-deserved sleep.
Depression, Anxiety, Loneliness. Some retirees may go through periods of depression or sadness, unexplainable anxiety or even loneliness. You may feel less valuable without your work identity and you may long to belong to another team. It may feel like no one needs you anymore and you may even miss the responsibilities and satisfaction of your old job. I think these feelings are temporary for most retirees, as we find new ways to feel successful. If feelings linger or feel overwhelming, please don’t be afraid to seek help. You may have some guilt over something you did or didn’t do, and you may have some unresolved trauma. Forgive yourself, and get some professional help if needed.
Missing Work. It’s hard to imagine, but you may miss some of what you left behind. I still have friends and partners who work inside, and I still want to know how they’re doing. You’ll hear about agency changes – good and bad, and it will weigh on your mind. We can physically walk away, but we can’t always disconnect mentally or emotionally to what we’ve been so invested in for so many years.
Corrections is a hard job to totally “escape” from, and you may want to stay connected in some way. If you’re interested, there are Facebook pages where corrections people come together to share stories and discuss “our unique world.” Some state and local agencies may have their own Facebook pages as well, and some agencies have annual gatherings, picnics, and events specifically for retirees. Just seeing old partners once in a while can make you feel connected. These sites and events are a great way to stay in touch with people, when you choose to.
Caution: The more you stay in direct touch with the corrections environment, the longer it may take for you to lose sight of those bad memories. It might take you longer to rid yourself of your Corrections Fatigue and fully relax. It’s also likely you could be triggered at some point, and find yourself remembering traumatic events or reliving old feelings of anxiety. Proceed with caution. When you’re ready, let it go and move on. “The past is for learning; the future is for living.”
Get Busy Living. It’s pretty common to slow down in retirement but please don’t stop living. Get some rest and make some plans for moving forward. If you choose to work in your retirement, I would encourage you to find something as far removed from corrections work as possible. This may help the bad memories fade a little faster. You have people skills that translate to other fields so, if possible, try something completely different. Returning to law enforcement, security work or anything similar to corrections may bring back bad memories and trigger continued stress.
Retirement is your time to do all the things you talked about all those years. Live your dreams … travel, ride that motorcycle, sail that boat, play golf, join a club, cook, garden, volunteer somewhere, take a class, write a book, or build something. I think a lot of corrections retirees like doing something with a tangible finished product … something we can see or hold. We rarely had anything tangible in corrections work.
After years of hard work, long hours, and so many people, you may feel like building a cocoon at home and isolating. This may serve you well for a while, but I hope you eventually get back out there. Isolation can invite substance abuse and poor health, and inactivity will allow the mind to revisit those bad memories. Please avoid becoming a couch potato. Get back out there and meet some people … learn to trust again. Maybe some new activities and new memories can replace those old ones or at least help them fade away. You earned your retirement, so enjoy! Happy Retirement!!
You didn’t hear Thank You very often during your corrections career; none of us did. So, to close, I would like to say THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE. You worked hard and you earned your retirement. Be safe, be healthy and enjoy.
If you’re reading this and are still working in corrections, “Retire as soon as you qualify. You don’t know the stress you’re under, until you leave.”
