Over 30 Years “In The Business”

I retired from our department a little over a year ago. I was very fortunate to be able to retire when I wanted to, and did not have to retire because of health or other reasons. I had prepared myself as best that I could through reading/studying several books and speaking to people who had retired before me. I can honestly say that even though I thought that I was ready, I was still in for a bit of a surprise. Kind of like having children, I guess.

During our time in our departments, we expend a lot of emotional and physical capital trying to do our jobs well. We have standards to keep and a gazillion policies, procedures, and post orders to know. And we have performance goals to meet. Then one day we wake up, and we no longer have to keep those in mind. Yeah!!! I discovered through my reading that to make retirement productive I needed to set new goals. Too many times I heard of people, observed folks that retired and just fell into thinking that they had all the time in the world, and then one day the mind, the body starts deteriorating. I vowed that I would not become one of those.

There were many highs in my time and many lows. I still recall the first inmate suicide that I was involved in. It happened just a few years into my career. I still see the scene when the cell door was opened. Cell 4-66. The inmate had cut his arm, and there was a lot of blood on the floor. A coworker and I administered CPR until we were relieved by medical staff. Unfortunately, he did not make it. There were a couple of other suicide attempts toward the end of my career. Fortunately, they made it. On the whole, many of those moments, high and low, stick with us. Many times, those memories are triggered by just some minute thing or event.

I was able to join a great group of men in our church (who are retired) each Wednesday that do work around the church. It saves the congregation a lot of money, but most importantly, gives each of us a great opportunity to serve others. Then, after our work is done, we go to a local coffee shop. Another thing I started doing was being a paid substitute in our local school district, working in food service. Although I was an officer in our department, I have a background in food. It is a pretty good fit for the most part. I work because I want to, not because I have to. And I do it when I want to. I’m also able to spend more time in the gym working out. Shortly after I retired, I was in the gym one afternoon and started looking around, Wow, there are a lot of old people here, I thought. Then the light went on in my head. Dang, I’m one of them. I had a good chuckle over that one.

Like one of the letters you received, I too wish our department had offered us a retirement preparation class or some kind of re-entry to society class. Once in a while, my wife will ask how I slept, and on occasion, I tell her that I worked last night, meaning I had a dream about my work. A few have been rough, but there have been a few. I too have at times struggled with my new normal of retirement, and like many others, I miss the structure and challenges of my former profession and the many situations we had to overcome. The oldie but goodie saying, “failure is not an option,” rang so true. My wife also does substitute work in our school district, but in another area. She has struggled as well with the challenges of me being home more and, truth be told, my grumpy moods at times. I read somewhere that it takes about two years to fully adjust to retirement, and at first, I didn’t believe it. But after some months, I realized that it was probably true.

I struggle with getting older and the body/mind not working as I would like them to. My mind says I’m forty or fifty, but my body says differently, right? I miss a lot of the people that I used to work with, but there is a retiree lunch every month at a local pizza restaurant that I attend. It’s so great seeing some of my former coworkers, and yes, telling old war stories. Most of them are the funny ones.

As when I was working, I still sit in restaurants and at church with my back against a wall or with a good view of the entrance. Loud noises still bother me, like the drums at church. I grocery shop early in the morning to avoid crowds. When my wife and I are out, I still find myself on high alert. I’ve learned to accept that this is more than likely the way I will be for the rest of my life.

Working in the correctional environment for over thirty years obviously changes you. I tried hard to not let it define me (easier said than done), as I knew there would come a day that I no longer would be there. The transition has been kind of a bumpy road at times, but I’m so grateful for my time in the department. And, yes, I am learning every day to be productive and enjoy my retirement.