I was in a training last year with others who work behind the walls when I heard something that stuck with me. When talking about staff wellness, an officer shared that, on days that he comes home and complains and complains about all the difficult things that officers now have to face at their jobs, his girlfriend lets him vent for a bit and then says, “Ok, give me three things that went well today.” When I heard that something shifted in my brain and I caught onto this idea. Yes, I have attended other trainings that presented the same or a similar idea. But for some reason, that suggestion clicked for me on that day.

I think we have all had those days where we can’t sleep all night but then decide to get the best sleep of our lives an hour before we need to wake up. Then we push snooze one too many times and are a touch behind. We start getting ready for work and look over at our laundry pile and growl because we realize that we have to wash clothes sooner than later (this might just be a me thing, growling at my laundry). We hop into our car and start our trek to work, only to get stuck behind a person that has no place to be and is driving about the same speed as our 96-year-old grandma. We get into work and the best parking lot is full so we have to park in the one that we have to hike what feels like five miles just to get into the building. We step into the building and the officer at the front gate is in a mood. We walk through the facility and we hear everyone talking about how much things suck. Then we finally make it back to our office and get ourselves situated only to find email after email of people complaining about one thing or another. This is how our day goes, on and on, with everything sucking and everyone around you feeling the same way. Does this sound familiar? Or is it just me that has days like this, where it feels like as soon as I open my eyes my day is in the toilet?

Something that I have realized over time is that how we see the world around us is how we are going to interact with it. If we walk around and think of everything in the world as being crap, then our world is going to be crap. But our worlds are not black and white, either all unicorns and rainbows or all doom and gloom. When we tell ourselves we are having a good day, it doesn’t mean that everything in that day is perfect. It just means that our focus on that day is on the positive aspects. Most of what we choose to notice and highlight in that day tends to be good. The same goes for when we’re having a bad day. It’s likely that not everything is truly horrible, but in that moment, our focus is on the negative.

So, I started using this idea of just three good things in my life each day. There are days where I come home and I feel like the horse from the Never-ending Story that is stuck in the quicksand (definitely showing my age here—if you know, you know), where I am being swallowed up by all the stressful stuff surrounding me. When I find myself in that place, I make myself identify three things in my day that did not fall into this stress. Some days, it’s just as simple as there was a bird tweeting outside my window, and, for me, that means that it’s the end of winter and warmer days are coming.

At first this mental exercise was a bit difficult to do, because in a day where nothing seemed to go right, where do you find something that did? So that is where you need to dig to really look at the small pieces of your day to find something to put on this list. The fun thing is, if you do this over time, you have to dig a lot less to find something. Your brain is already used to this exercise and starts cataloging your good moments throughout your day.

It’s gotten so I have started making others use this tool too. One of these people is my mom. Lately, she has had a lot on her plate and can get overwhelmed with it all. I can tell when she is having one of those overwhelming days when she calls me at night and starts telling me what has been happening in her day. And every single thing she gives me is negative. She does not mention one single positive thing from her day. She’s in the quicksand and it’s gobbling her up by the minute. So, after it feels like she has vented enough about her day, I will say to her “So, tell me, what are three things that went well today, because it sounds like you had a stressful day.” I give her time to think and come up with a few things. At first, I’m pretty sure she thought I was crazy and was probably rolling her eyes, but now she will sometimes give me three things without me asking because she knows my question is coming. Heck, sometimes when I have had a rough day she even flips the script and will ask me, “Tell me three things that went well today.” The other day she even showed me a journal that she is getting for herself and for my 8-year-old nephew where each day you record three things that went well in your day.

The reality is that we are all dealing with a lot behind the walls. Add that to the stressors of everyday life, and life can get overwhelmingly negative. A lot of people are miserable and are feeling like they do not have much control over their lives. But one thing we do have control over is where our focus is. We can choose to be stuck in all the negative that so many of those around us are stuck in. Or, we can choose to find the good stuff still passing by us, no matter how simple, in order to not be swallowed up by everything happening around us. The world is not all good or all bad, there is good and bad in each of our days. And you can choose to only focus on the bad, but you can also choose to find and acknowledge the good in your day.

To the officer that shared this story about his life, thank you for sharing that with others. It truly has made a difference in my world. And to the girlfriend of this officer, thank you for finding a way to support your significant other during tough times, enough so that he felt it was useful to share your words of wisdom with others.