On a daily basis Correctional Officers walk into prison, willingly, to walk amongst killers, rapists, pedophiles, abusers—the members of society you would never want to be near your grandmother. They do their job well and protect you from that world, but it takes a toll. It has a cost. These Officers expose themselves to the worst that humans have to offer and never have a second thought that this happens. They see things they would never want others to have to see, but they know they are providing for their family and believe they are doing a small part at keeping their family and neighbors safe even if it is a cost to their own well-being.

After their shift is finished and they return home to their family, they must first shed the stink of where they have been, hide the hurt that they endured in their work day, and provide a smile. Pretend that they weren’t just in a cesspool, and be nice and clean for family time. Family time, helping the kids with homework, I sometimes get distracted. “If I could have responded to that violent incident at work a better way, a little safer …, oh yeah, we are working on multiplication tables, sorry honey, Daddy got distracted for a minute.”

Dinner time. We all sit down for dinner. I am grateful for my family and all being together. This is why I wake up and go to work. The kids are talking about their day at school and their time with friends. I begin to zone out to supervising chow at work. Oh yeah. I try to focus on what my family is talking about. I am not a great participant in the conversation, I wish I was.

Bedtime. The time I fear, the time I know I will have to relive my fitful fears over and over in my constantly fitful sleep. I tuck my children in, wish them a good night, and kiss their forehead. “Goodnight my love. Daddy loves you. Sleep well and have sweet dreams.”

I can’t remember the last time I didn’t wake up in a heavy sweat and trying to forget my nightmares. Sometimes they scare me. They always scare me.

I wake up for work. Time to do it again. What will I see today?