I grew up without alcohol in the house. My dad occasionally sipped a Cadillac Margaretta and champagne at brunch once a year. As I hit my college years I found alcohol was a part of the culture. We drank when we were happy. Drank when we were down, and drank because the day ended in Y.

As I got into corrections I thought I was becoming a career professional. Little did I know my college drinking was preparing me for my new coping mechanism in my new job. I discovered rather quickly that alcohol and prison went together like peanut butter and jelly. Week one I was invited with the other third watch officers to the downtown bar for drinks after work. I of course said no because I had my life outside of work.

Fast forward a year, and I couldn’t say no. My life now was corrections, and I lost sight of my outside life. Through the highs and lows my drinking was never an addiction; it was a celebration, a pick-me-up, a team-builder. I was the funny drunk that could lighten the mood, make everyone laugh.

Yet, I heard the stories of others. The drunken brawl which got multiple people fired for lying. The officers with multiple DUIs. The officers that showed up drunk to work. As I hit my mid-thirties I didn’t drink with the crew anymore, but I did drink. The kids would go to bed and the wine or the whiskey would pour while my wife and I watched my favorite TV show. It was a vicious cycle: Work 16 hours, drink two “Old Fashioned,” wake up feeling crappy and tired, and do it again the next day. At the time I would argue that I wasn’t THAT unhealthy for doing it. I would even argue it wasn’t a cycle, but a daily choice. Hindsight is 20/20.

Then 2021 rocked my world. Covid had hit and being in California there wasn’t much to do other than drink and try to find toilet paper at the store. In February I got the Covid vaccine and got an autoimmune disease that affected my liver. So, with my liver being damaged, I had to stop drinking altogether. Because I wasn’t an alcoholic or dependent on alcohol, it was fairly easy to stop drinking. The problem came with social events.

Everything involved alcohol. Going to a kid’s birthday party? There’d better be drinks. Graduation? Drinks. New Year’s? Lots of drinks. How was my new sobriety going to affect my social life? I was awkward at first, but no one noticed. When I didn’t drink, I found that no one cared. I wasn’t outcast or shunned. And I found a new love of sobriety.

Now I saw things clearer. When my friends would drink, I would sit with them. But now I wouldn’t sit until 3AM listening to the same drunken stories of the past. Instead I found a healthy medium. I would sit until I was done. Usually by midnight I would find the stories getting old and the awkward drunkenness of friends to be so annoying I would go to bed. Woke up refreshed, no hangover, no forgetfulness, and no regrets.

Now I moved away from California and live in Tennessee. I have found going to parties now is easy. If there is booze, I don’t partake. I grab a sweet tea and carry it around like Uncle Si on Duck Dynasty. I don’t worry if people will think it’s weird. I don’t have alcohol at my kids’ birthday party. Let’s face it: If the party is for the kids, why would I or should I have alcohol there?

When I was told I was sick and couldn’t drink anymore, I thought it was a curse put on me and I would never recover. In actuality I learned that not drinking is not only OK, but it’s healthy. It has allowed me to grow in my feelings. It has allowed me to see more clearly. And it has allowed me to live my life on my terms.

I’m not saying never have a drink. But I do ask, have you evaluated why we drink? With society telling us through ads, social media, TV and everything else that we should drink, why not be different and realize that we can be just as good if not better without it?