I was in the checkout line early in the morning at a local big box store a couple of weeks before Christmas. There was a hold up on one of the items I was purchasing and suddenly my heart started pounding, my mind racing, and then this wave of anxiety suddenly came over me. I was in panic mode. I ran out of the store and into my vehicle. I collapsed in the driver’s seat and started sobbing uncontrollably. After a few minutes I got myself composed and headed home. To say that going Christmas shopping on this morning was a truly bad idea, well, that would be an understatement. I thought that I could pull it off, but I was dead wrong. I didn’t know. I had never been through what occurred less than two days before. I had no point of reference. None!!! This was my first time being attacked.

Webster’s Dictionary defines trauma as “an injury (such as a wound) to living tissue caused by an extrinsic agent; a disordered psychic or behavioral state resulting from severe mental or emotional stress or physical injury.” Trauma is the Greek word for “wound” although the Greeks used this term only for physical injuries. Nowadays trauma is just as likely to refer to emotional wounds.

Less than two days earlier, I was working in our Disciplinary Segregation Unit, and we were releasing an inmate due to his time being completed. I took the last cuff off his wrist and turned to get his dress clothes out when I suddenly felt sharp pains in my face. I realized that I was being attacked. I quickly turned toward him, putting up my hands to block the onslaught while pushing back on him toward the corner we were in and gaining control over him. All of a sudden, I heard one of my coworkers yell that I was being attacked and quickly came to my assistance. We got him secured and then placed him in a holding cage. He would soon be transported to another institution.

I was escorted to a room next to our Superintendent’s Office where I would be able to take a few minutes to regroup before phoning my wife to let her know what had happened and the hospital I was being taken to. I was then transported by a coworker experienced in Peer Support to a hospital to be evaluated.

When we arrived at the hospital Emergency Department and went to the check in desk, my coworker explained what happened, and that I needed to be seen. The admitting person replied, and I kid you not, “Oh, this happens all the time.” We waited in the Emergency Room for a short period of time before we were called. The Emergency Room doctor did a fairly quick examination of me and deemed me to be ok. No concussion and very minimal damage. My coworker then said in no uncertain terms that what he had done was unacceptable. She was very, very persuasive, adamant and assertive. Soon, and I mean soon, blood was drawn, x-rays were taken and my care went up several levels. I will never, ever forget that. Thank you, Ruth.

What I was experiencing in the big box store that morning wasn’t from the physical injuries as they turned out to be just a few bruises and a back-muscle strain, but from the emotional injuries that I had received that day. The yucky stuff from the trauma was setting its ugly teeth into me.

Mainly because of the back-muscle strain, I was placed on light duty for a few weeks so I could heal up. It actually turned out to be a good thing, although at the time, I wanted to get back to my real job as quickly as possible. After three weeks, I was cleared to return to full duty.

The questions in my mind started right after the attack. Would this attack impact me to the point that I just would not be able to do this job any longer? I fought the doubts, the voices in my mind, and I tried to stay positive, but it was hard. In my career, this was the first time I had been attacked. When I was cleared to return to full duty, it started getting real though.

As I got dressed that morning, I was incredibly anxious and admittedly scared. Again, those voices of doubt were raging, and I was fighting to keep them at bay. Entering the Disciplinary Segregation Unit that morning was surreal, but I absolutely could not show it. You know the inmates can tell if you’re scared just like a shark smells blood in the water. My coworkers needed an asset, not a liability. It was tough doing those first-tier checks. At some point in the day, I went into the room where we stored the dress out clothes, near the corner where I had been attacked. I stepped inside that room and grabbed a bath towel off the shelf and buried my face in it and started crying. I rarely cry.

My coworkers, God bless them, were so great, along with other staff. Life got better, and I hung in there, but it was darn tough at times. I had doubts at times that I could make it back, that I would recover and would go on to have a productive final chapter of my career. You see, like with physical injuries, the scars remained and, in fact, they still linger to this day, although I am retired.

I want you to know something that I learned from experiencing this and observing peers. Trauma and the severity of it are different for every single person. Trauma for you, for me, for everyone else is different in so many ways. It is yours, you own it and have to deal with it. I’m sure you have probably heard this in training or have been told this by a coworker, but when you experience it first hand, it seems like you are the only person going through it. Anyone that says for you to just suck it up, to deal with it, to just get over it and drive on is just talking Bumpcus. Anyone that even hints that you are weak or not a team player, it’s just Bumpcus. When those seeds of doubt come calling in the middle of the night when you wake up at two AM, and you think that you should not be feeling like this, well, that is just Bumpcus. When you start thinking that maybe this career is not for you, well, just say it with me, “That’s Bumpcus.”

When I was on light duty for three weeks after the incident, it gave me time to process, to wrap my head around it, and most importantly, to heal. Dealing with the trauma of this job is tough and takes us places that are very dark sometimes, but you are stronger than you might realize and you will make it through. One of the toughest things I had to do during this time was to ask for help as we are not wired to ask for help. You have a lot of resources at your disposal that earlier generations did not have. I strongly encourage you to use them.

Editor’s Note:

We thank the author of the above article for courageously sharing a glimpse into his battles with post-traumatic stress. We would like to add that Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a structured, evidence-based therapy designed to help individuals process and reframe traumatic experiences. EMDR is especially effective for post-traumatic stress resulting from single-incident traumas like the one described in this article.

Research shows that EMDR can significantly reduce the emotional intensity and intrusiveness of trauma symptoms—often in as few as one to three sessions. It also helps replace distressing thoughts with healthier, more adaptive ones that can foster post-traumatic growth.

EMDR is endorsed as a first-line treatment for PTSD by the World Health Organization (WHO) and the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs/Department of Defense (VA/DoD). It is also recognized as an evidence-based treatment by the American Psychological Association (APA).

For more information and to locate an EMDR-certified therapist near you, go to www.emdria.org, and click on “Find a Therapist.”